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Not so good...

So, there are good days and bad days.  Sometimes there is a string of the latter that seem to go on and on until you start to fear that the supply of good days have been exhausted and all your left with are the bad.  That's a bit melodramatic, eh?  Recent events have caused me once again to turn a bit introspective and have indeed caused me to realize that a bit of introspection may be in order. 

I am by nature a very reserved individual and find it difficult to speak of myself and my inner struggles to others.  In fact,  I find it difficult to admit my struggles to myself.  When I find it overwhelming - all the responsibilities of life both personal and professional, I just repress and fill my time and my mind with meaningless fluff.  When I think of all the things I need to address, all the things I need to change about myself, habits I need to break, habits I need to form, responsibilities I need to shoulder, burdens I need to rid myself of, the daily drudgery I need to take care of, it becomes absolutely overwhelming.  I can't even describe the emotion - is it panic, anxiety, despair?  When I think of all that I face, I am overcome by inertia and don't have a clue where to start or the energy to start.  All I want to do it roll over and pull the covers over my head.

A wise friend pointed out that I am looking at the forest rather than the trees and that I can only deal with one tree at a time.  I think the metaphor usually is used in the reverse - can't see the forest for the trees - but she makes a valid point.  To use another somewhat cliche metaphor that my mom often uses, the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.  The hardest part is taking the first bite, choosing which tree to focus on... hell, even identifying what the trees are would be a start! 

What to do, what to do....   All I know is that I can't keep on like this.  Something's gotta give...