I am by nature a very reserved individual and find it difficult to speak of myself and my inner struggles to others. In fact, I find it difficult to admit my struggles to myself. When I find it overwhelming - all the responsibilities of life both personal and professional, I just repress and fill my time and my mind with meaningless fluff. When I think of all the things I need to address, all the things I need to change about myself, habits I need to break, habits I need to form, responsibilities I need to shoulder, burdens I need to rid myself of, the daily drudgery I need to take care of, it becomes absolutely overwhelming. I can't even describe the emotion - is it panic, anxiety, despair? When I think of all that I face, I am overcome by inertia and don't have a clue where to start or the energy to start. All I want to do it roll over and pull the covers over my head.
A wise friend pointed out that I am looking at the forest rather than the trees and that I can only deal with one tree at a time. I think the metaphor usually is used in the reverse - can't see the forest for the trees - but she makes a valid point. To use another somewhat cliche metaphor that my mom often uses, the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. The hardest part is taking the first bite, choosing which tree to focus on... hell, even identifying what the trees are would be a start!
What to do, what to do.... All I know is that I can't keep on like this. Something's gotta give...
- Current Mood:
discontent