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It Lives!


When I looked to see when my last post was, all I could think was "Fuck!" I'm actually a bit incredulous about it. And it's fucking July! How the hell did that happen? And why the hell am I swearing so much? Shit!

Okay, deep breath. I feel as if I took a tumble off the edge of the earth and I'm a bit disoriented. I've desperately missed my lovely patchwork internet community and I fear I've disappeared too long to ever really be a part, however insignificant a part, of it again. *sigh* But one must restart somewhere, so here I am again. 7/11 seemed an auspicious date, for some reason.

There's not much point in recounting the events of the last couple of months. "Crazy" does not adequately describe the levels of insanity reached. I just can't even describe it. Really. I've been sitting here trying to capture the combination of change and stagnation and tragedy and triumph and plodding day-to-day grind and I don't even know where to start. I feel a bit like a tightly corked bottle of something fizzy that's been shaken too hard for too long. The end result will be a useless stream of chaotic bubbles that'll just leave a sticky mess in its wake. I'm simultaneously bone-weary and wound entirely too tight. The long and the short of it is, though still gainfully employed, I am seeking a job that will allow me to use the skill set I am currently acquiring without having yet honed said skill set adequately to perform said job and with no firm time-frame in which current employment/training will be deemed complete and I will be unceremoniously kicked to the curb for a fresh crop of victims fellows.  I'm living in this bizarre limbo-land of if/then and maybe. I seem to thrive on uncertainty, but it makes my chest hurt and my stomach roll.

But it's the good old summertime and, though the livin' ain't easy, the cicadas are buzzing and the fireflies glimmering and I've got air conditioning. So there's that. And I have hope that this hot mess will straighten itself out and I won't have wasted a year of my life and I'll end up where I need to be. Maybe. Or at least I'll be able to get health insurance. Have I mentioned the irony of being an uninsured physician?  I'll save that crazy for another day...

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
beesandbrews
Jul. 12th, 2013 11:24 am (UTC)
Hey! I wondered where you'd got off to.
antesqueluz
Jul. 14th, 2013 03:50 am (UTC)
Hey, yourself! :-) Hope things are well with you.
angus_honey
Jul. 12th, 2013 04:20 pm (UTC)
Lol...fucking nice to see you back!! I know exactly what you mean even though I'm retired time just goesssss and now it's nearer next Christmas than last!!!!

I do hope you find the permanent position you're looking and I wonder whereabouts you'll end up!

D xx
antesqueluz
Jul. 14th, 2013 03:54 am (UTC)
That's a scary thought! Christmas is closing in! Thankfully one of my immature coping mechanisms is avoidance which I accomplish through online shopping. So my Christmas shopping is basically done. It's just sitting in boxes in my spare room. :-P I'm ridiculous!

Thanks for the good wishes, Dee. Take care!
angus_honey
Jul. 14th, 2013 10:45 am (UTC)
WOT????????????????????? You've done your Christmas shopping??? It's JULY!!!! I do know someone who buys all their Christmas cards in the January sales...cheapskate! Lol!
smudley
Jul. 13th, 2013 02:16 am (UTC)
{{gentle but clinging-tight hugs}} oh, hon, it's WONDERFUL to hear from you again. i've been thinking of you and hoping that all was well, but i had a feeling that RL might be putting you through a grueling set of challenges. i have absolute and complete faith that you will find the best employment setting to showcase your incredible skills and heart and determination. i believe that down to my core. in the meantime, stay strong and know that you are loved and supported and cheered for!
antesqueluz
Jul. 14th, 2013 04:10 am (UTC)
Oh, sweetheart. I'm so glad to hear from you. I've been thinking of you too, hoping that you and yours are hangin' in and that things are looking up. Your sweet spirit never fails to raise mine. Thank you for that, and for your support and well-wishes. You are so precious. *bear hugs*
trista_zevkia
Jul. 13th, 2013 07:51 am (UTC)
Glad to see you back!
I feel the absence thing, as I've been really hit or miss online lately and I don't even have the excuse of being employed.
Welcome Back!
antesqueluz
Jul. 14th, 2013 04:11 am (UTC)
Thanks, dear! Hope you are well. :-)
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )