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Christmas Eve Eve.  It's weird.  In my 27 years this is the first holiday season, and birthday, that I've spent apart from my family.   It's sad in a way, but I don't feel as sad as I thought I might.  It's amazing really that I've managed to go this long without having my routine, traditions, apple-cart... upset.   (I love cliche... and elipses.)  All in all, I'm feeling quite philosophical about the whole thing. 

But there is this small part of me that wants to throw a lavish pity-party and wallow in the melancholy.  It makes one feel a bit of an outcast and failure to spend the holidays alone.  (I'm always a bit introspective at the end of the year... just excuse me.)  I feel as if I've been swept along in life, always rushing from one thing to the next, without taking time to experience life and make lasting connections.  On the other hand, I have come a long way and I am blessed to have some amazing people in my life.  But that all seems a wee bit irrelevant when you're sitting alone in your house with a poinsettia and half a dozen Christmas cards the only evidence of the holiday ... 

On a different note, I haven't decided what to do with this journal.  I initially started it just to have a vehicle to support my insane addiction to fanfiction.  I don't even know how that particular vice got a hold of me.... But somehow I think it might be cathartic to post some thoughts here.  I do occasionally have those... thoughts, that is.